Feminine Napkins

Things have been slow for us in Gift Wrap land. Since the initial Black Friday weekend, our services have not been called upon to wrap. We don't know what it means; either we're terrible gift wrappers or the economy is in the crapper. Regardless, it seems we've been demoted. One of us has spent at least three shifts in the back room, unpacking boxes (HELLO! THE OPPOSITE OF GIFT WRAPPING!) and putting stickers on things. It's really tedious.

But one of us has noticed a few things. One of them is cocktail napkins. Now...cocktail napkins are something that we have never thought of in our entire lives...in fact, we hate them when the waiter or bartender puts them down in front of us at a bar - especiially if we're having red wine. Why do we need a cocktail napkin for that? There's no condensation! There's no ring to leave on the table! It seems stripper-y, this cocktail napkin. And yet....Floofity's sells cocktail napkins out the YING-YANG! Like, we would say they're the number one seller, novelty cocktail napkins. And by "novelty," we mean that they say "funny" things on them. Like IF I KEEL OVER AT WAL MART, DRAG MY BODY TO NEIMANS or PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND DEAL WITH IT. You get the idea. Most of them are about female empowerment (I'M THE BRIDE, THAT'S WHY) or alcoholism (BOOZE IS THE ANSWER; I FORGOT THE QUESTION). But let us tell you: nothing makes you re-examine your life quite so quickly as finding yourself yelling "we need five more big-girl panties over here!" to a sixteen-year old girl who just ordered a Shirley Temple to-go from the restaurant next door.

Lest you think that cocktail napkins are the bulk of it, let us also note that styrofoam cups are probably a close second. Styrofoam cups that say WEEKEND WATERFORD or FORGET RUDOLPH - LET'S GET BLITZEN on them. Again, not something we ever really gave any thought to but let us tell you: these things are practically a license to print money. Otherwise perfectly normal looking people EAT THEM UP.

America is a mystery.